Constantly Comparing Yourself With Your Partner’s Ex? It May Be A Sign Of Rebecca Syndrome

In today’s digital world, where social media offers a constant stream of information about those around us, it’s easy to fall into the trap of envying others’ lives. This feeling can spill over into our relationships, particularly when it comes to our partner’s past. Experiencing jealousy in a relationship is normal, and it’s natural to feel uneasy about your partner’s previous relationships. However, if you find yourself constantly fixated on these feelings of jealousy and comparing yourself to your partner’s ex, you might be experiencing what’s known as “Rebecca syndrome.” This term captures the intense envy one feels toward their partner’s former relationships.

The term ‘Rebecca’ syndrome is inspired by Daphne du Maurier’s 1938 novel Rebecca. The book is about a young lady who marries a wealthy man. She is unable to cope after moving into his home because the household and surrounding community are still focused on his first wife, who has died.

There are certain warning signs of Rebecca syndrome. Dr Goddard-Crawley, a mental health expert while talking to The Daily Mail shared that people suffering from the syndrome become ‘obsessively preoccupied’ with their partner’s past relationships, hence more prone to insecurity and constant comparisons. This insecurity leads to acts such as checking their partner’s messages and trying to cut them from their social circle. “The person may entertain suspicions or paranoia about his/her partner’s past, thinking that the ex-partner poses a threat to the relationship,” he said.

If you think you are suffering from Rebecca syndrome and want to prevent it from ruining your relationship, here are a few things you can try:

1. Monitor yourselfTry to go beyond your envy to see if your anxiety is tied to your past. It is important to first find the root cause of the issue that will help you create boundaries. Create a secure space for yourself by expressing your emotions and worries instead of bottling them up.
2. CommunicateDiscuss how you’re feeling and communicate with your partner. Work through attachment issues and develop trust in your relationship. Try to comprehend your partner’s viewpoint and emotions.
3. Avoid stalkingWhile this can be tricky, it is crucial to calm your mind and focus on dealing with your mental state. Make sure to avoid stalking your partner’s ex on social media. It can lead to a vicious cycle and trigger more jealousy.
4. TherapyAn expert can help you identify your trigger points as well as introduce you to ways in which you can overcome the feeling. They can help you realise your own value and not dwell on the past too much.